Dear Chuckles, Part 4

Dear Chuckles,

We brought you home from the vet today. They of course did a beautiful job but nothing could stop the tears today. I know you hated to see me sad, but you gotta cut me some slack here, boy. At least you're home with me now, where you belong.

We're going to take you to Grandma's this weekend to leave a small piece of you there, since you were so very happy in that backyard. The basketball, the hose, the pool, the frisbee, the constant overturning of the water dish plus the fact that there was always someone there to play with...it was like your own personal dog park and it always made me so happy to see you so happy.

Appropriately, it's a rainy, nasty day outside. The kind of day you reveled in making me take you out multiple times, not because you really had to go, but just so you could get wet and splash in the puddles. I splashed a couple for you today.

I miss you every day, my water dog.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Chuckles, Part 3

Dear Chuckles,

I cleaned up your tennis balls today. Not your other toys, not yet, because just the tennis balls was emotional enough. But I had to do the tennis balls because, as you know, they were everywhere. Literally. I found one in one of Josh's shoes. I bet you smiled when you dropped it there, didn't you, my mischievous boy?

I started out crying, but as I began counting, and the number started to get higher, I started to smile. I smiled a little more when I found about 10 of them under the bed and remembered you happily taking one into the bedroom with you, chewing for about 15 minutes, and then coming back out to the living room to yap at us because you'd rolled it under the bed and couldn't get to it.

By the time I was finished, the grand total was 98 tennis balls of varying colors and in varying states of destruction. And I started to laugh a genuine laugh, not the fake laugh I'm currently using when I'm around people. 98, Puppers!! That's ridiculous and hilarious and just so very you.

Josh had guessed 100 and I had scoffed at him. Guess I owe someone an apology.

I know how you loved to make me happy, as I loved to make you happy. It seems you were determined to give me one last big laugh, and I want to thank you for that. I needed it right now. But you probably knew that. I love you, Chuckles.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Chuckles, Part 2

Dear Chuckles,

Today was the first time I left the house since that day, which means it was also the first time I've ever come home and you haven't greeted me. Let me tell you something, Puppyface, it fucking sucked. Alot. I think Trixie was trying to be you, because she ran to the door to greet and meow at me. Don't tell her, but it just wasn't the same.

I could see our whole routine play out in my head. You trotting up to greet me, wagging furiously, SO happy to see me though I'd only been gone a little while. Me asking if you were a good boy, and you running to the kitchen doorway to show me that you were indeed a good boy, with that huge happy smile on your face, tongue hanging out. Me trying to push past you to get the grocery bags into the kitchen, you thinking it was a game of some kind and blocking the doorway. Me taking my coat off while you stuck your nose into every bag to see if there was something for you. You drinking about a gallon of water and then proceeding to slobber it all over the kitchen as you watched me put the groceries away, not-so-patiently waiting to see if something for you would appear from one of the bags. Me finishing up and giving you a cookie and telling you what a good boy you were for waiting. And then you running to the door, yapping to go out. The memories brought out a small smile through the tears, but the tears were still there.

I miss our routines, and I miss you. So very much. I'd give anything to hear your claws clicking down the hallway again.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Chuckles, Part 1

Dear Chuckles,

It's only been a little over 48 hours since I lost you, and I feel like a piece of my heart has been taken from me - the biggest part. I'm pretty sure you took it with you, and that's ok, because I know you hated to be apart from me, and now at least you'll always have a piece of me with you.

It's too quiet here without you. I miss you, boy.

Love,
Mommy

The hardest goodbye I've ever had to say.

Yesterday, 2/21/12, I had to say goodbye to my best friend. Chuck was everything that was good about the world rolled into 90 furry pounds of pure love, and for 14 years he was an amazing positive presence in my life. He outlasted a relationship, 4 jobs, and 5 cars. I cannot even express how very much I will miss him. I love you so much, Mr. Chuckles. I hope, wherever you are, that there are hundreds of basketballs for you to hump, endless belly rubs, and no little yappy dogs to bite your ankles. Be happy, my good boy, and rest in peace.

R.I.P. Mr. Chuckles 1997-2012

 

I Stand...

I Stand Against Weight Bullying is a campaign designed in response to Georgia's misguided and harmful Strong4Life campaign against childhood obesity. Activist Marilyn Wann designed a template so that people could create their own version of the Strong4Life advertisement, featuring a more upbeat picture and inspirational message. I was made aware of the campaign through my friend Cruiser Dolly over at The Fun Between My Legs, which if you aren't reading already, you should be.


Here is my STANDard:

You can also see my STANDard, and all of the STANDards created so far, by clicking here.
Check out the write up in BBC News Magazine here.
Visit I Stand Against Weight Bullying on Facebook.
Create your own STANDard and get involved! Health at EVERY Size is what's important!

I would like to thank Marilyn Wann and everyone at I Stand Against Weight Bullying for allowing me to be a part of something so meaningful! Stand up to bullies! ♥

I’m kind of a shoe whore.

1. Song that always makes you sad?

“Ave Maria” affects me like no other piece of music ever written.

2. Last thing you bought?

Gas. Shit’s expensive.

3. Last person you argued with?

Chuckles. Because he was yap yap yapping to go out and I didn’t want to take him. I’m cold now. Guess who won?

4. Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on?

Ew, no.

5. One of your stuffed animals’ names as a kid?

White Teddy. He was a white teddy bear. Original, I know.

6. Did you ever at one time own a Barenaked Ladies CD?

Yep.

7. Favorite day of the week?

I like Saturdays.

8. Favorite sundae topping?

Hot fudge, hands down.

9. Did you take piano lessons?

No. But I can play "Heart & Soul" and Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home."

10. Most frequent song played?

At bars – Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer”

On my iPod – Social Distortion’s “Story of My Life”

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?

I don’t think any of it’s a secret.

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?

No thanks.

13. Date someone older or younger?

I’m getting married in 4 months. No dating for me.

14. One place you wish you could travel right now?

Um…I’d just like to go to sleep.

15. Do you use umbrellas?

Ella, ella, ella…..yes.

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?

Do I live in Canada? That would be a no.

17. Favorite cheese?

I love cheese. Cheese does not love me back.

18. The Smiths or The Cure?

The Cure. Morrissey must die.

The Cure

19. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?

Don’t care.

20. Best job you ever had?

It’s a tie between Promotions Director at WHTG 106.3 and Production Manager at Healthspring Communications. They were both awesome for different reasons.

21. Did you go to your high school prom?

I did.

And here's the proof.

22. Perfect time to wake up?

When I wake up.

23. Perfect time to go to bed?

When I’m tired.

24. Do you use your queen right away in chess?

Sometimes.

25. Ever been in a car accident?

I stopped counting.

26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither?

Mom.

27. What age is this exciting life over for you?

Are you telling me to plan my own death?

28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?

Oh I would have LOVED to have been a teenager in the late 60′s, early 70′s.

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?

That’s like asking me to choose a favorite child. If I had children. Which I don’t. But you get the point.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?

I’m sure I do somewhere.

31. Were you in track and field?

No, I was in parking lot with cigarettes.

32. Were you ever in a school talent show?

No. But in 7^th grade 2 friends and I performed a dance routine to Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.” True story.

33. Have you ever written in a library book?

I don’t think so. Why would I?

34. Allergic to?

Lactose, apparently.

35. Favorite fruit?

Bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

36. Have you watched American Horror Story?
Love it!

37. Baseball hat or toque?
What? 

38. Do you shampoo or soap up first in the shower?
Shampoo.

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?
Wet the toothbrush. I actually get irritated when I forget to wet it. 

40. Pen or pencil?
I use pens for everything, really. This is a stupid question. 

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?
Don’t you mean “have you ever made a donation to a casino?”

Here are Josh and I donating to a casino in A.C.

42. Have you thrown up on a plane?
Nope.

43. Have you thrown up in a car?
I had wicked motion sickness as a kid. I think it stopped somewhere around age 14.

44. Have you thrown up at work?
I did, once or twice, when I was super sick.

45. Do you scream on roller coasters?
Depends on the roller coaster.

46. How many shoes do you have?
I’m guesstimating somewhere around 40? I’m kind of a shoe whore.

When I look at this picture, I think "why don't I own all of these?"

47. Who was your first roommate?
Technically my sister when we shared a room as kids.

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time?
Absolut Vodka. I remember the experience far too vividly.

49. What was your first job?
Optometric Technician. Yes, really.

50. What was your first car?
1980 Chevy Citation. It was my mom’s and she gave it to me after she got a newer car. It really wasn’t a bad little car. It died when some asshole t-boned me at a 4-way intersection with no stop signs or lights. Poor car.

Yep, this is pretty much what it looked like.

51. When did you go to your first funeral?
Sometime in my early 20s, I think.

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
Like 28?

53. Who was your first grade teacher?
I just sat here for like 20 minutes trying to remember. Can’t do it.

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?
Florida.

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
Either my boyfriend at the time or my best friend at the time. Or both.

56. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?
My mother tells me my first best friend was some boy in kindergarten whose name I can no longer recall, so no, I’m not still friends with him. My first real best friend was, and still is, my sister. 

My sister and I, early 80s. I'm the one with the white knee socks.

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents’ house?
New Brunswick. 

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
Usually I call no one and I go into hermit mode.

59. Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?
My mom’s.

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Wish it was not the morning.

61. What was the first concert you attended?
Def Leppard. With Ugly Kid Joe opening. At what was then called the Garden State Arts Center. 

62. First tattoo or piercing?
First tattoo was a winged unicorn on my left calf. I went in thinking I’d get a tiny little butterfly. Not so much. Every piece I’ve gotten since then has been even bigger.

That winged unicorn was my first tattoo.

63. First celebrity crush?
Jack Tripper, and then Hawkeye Pierce. Yes, the characters themselves, not the actors (John Ritter and Alan Alda).