Saturday, March 30, 2013

RANT: Neighbor hell

My upstairs neighbor is a douchebag.

The man is in his mid- to late-40s. His 18-year-old delinquent son went to jail in December for two counts of assault with a deadly weapon and won't get out for 3 years. One might think the noise level would lessen, or at the very least, the amount of foot traffic would decrease. Turns out, not so much. UDB has surround sound, and uses it every fucking chance he gets. At all hours. At a ridiculous decibel. He falls asleep with his bedroom TV so fucking loud I can hear every word - and explosion - quite clearly. He's too lazy to walk his yappy little dog, so he just lets him out on the balcony to piss. There's constant walking/stomping. You live in a one bedroom apartment, where the fuck are you walking to?

As I mentioned, Upstairs Douchebag (UDB for the rest of this post) is in his mid- to late-40s. Yet from what I've observed, he has zero friends in his own age group. His son is in jail, yet UDB has the kid's friends and girlfriend over almost every single night, and sometimes when he's not even home. They use his shower, do their laundry, have sex on his son's bed (my computer desk is directly beneath the kid's bedroom. Awesome.), run up and down the stairs, bang on the outside door when UDB doesn't hear his doorbell, or, if they're desperate, they ring MY doorbell. Well, they used to. Believe me, they won't be doing that anymore. Not if they want to keep their fingers.

Most of these kids aren't even 18 yet, and they're up there drinking, smoking, hanging out on the balcony and not being at all discreet about it, and apparently having sex all over the apartment. The outside hallway we share constantly reeks of weed. And before you ask "How do you know that's not from you?" - it's not. I can contain my shit.

I'm not saying I was some sweet, innocent thing at that age. I wasn't. However, I didn't broadcast the shit I was doing, and I was definitely not a rude little asshole like most of these kids are. What's pathetic is that UDB thinks these kids are his friends. Dude, no. They talk shit about you before you answer the door; I can hear everything they say in that hallway. They know you're a loser and you have no friends, so you'll let them do whatever they want. You're the old dude with the party house, that's all. As I write this, some kid is on the balcony upstairs coughing his fucking head off and someone is running back and forth in the living room for no apparent reason.

ALSO - UDB is a creepy, creepy scumbag. 99.9% of the time I see him he has no shirt on, and I honestly don't believe he owns one shirt that is not a wife-beater. One of those guys who makes you feel like you need a shower just from him looking at you. So I wouldn't be surprised if there are even more inappropriate things going on with the kid's girlfriend and/or other female friends. Not trying to be shocking, just realistic.

My previous upstairs neighbor was an old Russian lady who screamed at me every time Chuck barked more than once and actually called the cops on me one night because I was having sex too loud. No, I'm not making that up. The cops who came were quite amused at the whole situation. And yet, I'd still rather have that bitch back upstairs.

End rant.

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