Friday, May 17, 2013


I just plucked a long gray hair that dared to appear in one of my eyebrows. This is completely unacceptable. I mean, I knew it was already starting in the hair on my head, but now my eyebrows? Fuck no. And this is one of the many reasons why...

Being 37 sucks.
Even the number itself is unimpressive.

NOTE: I know there are some of you out there saying "Pffft, 37's nothing, imagine being (insert age here)." To those people I say: hush. This is my blog, and I'm 37. Everyone has their own reasons why being their age sucks. If you wanna bitch it out, start your own blog. Now let's move on.

37 means I graduated high school 20 years ago. It means I graduated college 14 years ago. It means I remember when AOL was the most awesome thing ever. It means I had a beeper. It means I remember when MTV played actual music videos. It means I'm older than the entire cast of Jersey Shore. It means I remember when Axl Rose looked like this:

I refuse to post a photo of what he looks like now.
37 means both of my siblings are also now in their 30s. Both younger than me though, the jerks. It means I call 25-year-olds "kids." No, really. I did it the other day and immediately wanted to kill myself. 37 means there's a good chance I'll never pass for under 30 again.

37 means some of my friends' kids are already teenagers. It also means that I've very aware that my baby-making window won't be open forever. Biological clock, set to warp speed.

37 means I'm over the club scene, though not necessarily the bar scene (two different animals). Getting stoned and watching something funny on TV sounds way more appealing to me than doing body shots and rolling on Ecstasy in some random club-slash-warehouse. It means I stopped going to the Warped Tour like 10 years ago. It means 95% of Warped Tour attendees are young enough to be my kids (I think that just sounds nicer than "I'm old enough to be their mother," don't you?).

37 also means I'm at a weird place in my life. I'm an unemployed-but-still-fucking-looking (thanks, job market!) childless newlywed. I rent an apartment, I still have student loan debt, and according to this guy, "if you are under 40, your generation is getting utterly screwed compared to mine, and you should be in the streets." Awesome.

But 37 can mean some good things, I suppose. It means that I'm closer to my family and my friends than I've ever been, and I treasure those relationships more than ever. It means I've lived through some major historical events I'll be able to tell my children about (there's that biological clock again). It means I was raised on some of the greatest music ever made, which in turn means I like everything from Pink Floyd to NOFX to The Doobie Brothers to Streetlight Manifesto to Tori Amos to The Ramones to Billy Joel to The Doors to Pantera to The Beatles to...well, you get the point. It means I've met some amazing people and I've had some unforgettable experiences. It also means that there are more to come.

Most of all, though, 37 means I'm no longer just "in my 30s." I'm now in my mid-to-late 30s. And the fact that I'll be turning 38 later this year? I can't even.


  1. I'll let you borrow my kids for a week, and you let me know if your biological clock is still ticking after that. I love them to death, but I'm tired!

  2. LOL that might make it even worse. I was around 2 babies today at our family reunion and the clock practically exploded.