So, this stuff happened.

I've been lucky in that I haven't been unemployed for more than 2 months since the year 2002, and I've certainly never been unemployed during the summer. However, since I lost my job earlier this year, I have to say that the past few months have been one of the most amazing and fun times of my life. I've spent time with family and friends, laughed so much, relaxed, regained most of my sanity, and oh yeah, got married.
Best. Summer. Ever.


I also learned and experienced quite a few new things, such as....

I learned how to play roulette (kind of).
I learned how to play oo-roulette (not really).
I found out that my husband is pretty awesome at pool. 4 1/2 years and I never knew that.
I learned that I get a kick out of saying "my husband."
And he gets just as much of a kick out of saying "my wife."
I had my first ever professional massage.
I learned that it took 44 hair pins (probably more...some fell out on the dance floor), 2 hair ties, and lots of hairspray to tame my hair into this style.

Hair & makeup by Ambiance Hair Designs, Wildwood, NJ.

Josh helped me remove the pins at the end of the night, which makes him awesome.

I learned that there is always going to be someone who I want to punch in the face. Always.
I was reminded that unless it's the Electric Slide or some other coordinated line-type dance, I can't dance for shit. And I don't care.
I learned that it's possible to be so relaxed that nothing at all can stress me out.
I learned that that type of relaxation is pretty short-lived, but wonderful nonetheless.
I learned that people are apparently desperate enough to steal unused table cameras from wedding receptions. True story.
I found out that it is possible to not have the American Idol finale ruined for me. Yay Phillip Phillips!

This is Phillip Phillips performing "Movin' Out" by Billy Joel. So good.




I experienced for the first time a full-blown snit from my cat. She was so pissed at us for leaving her for over a week (even though she had people visiting and taking care of her every day), that she wanted nothing to do with us for the first hour or so we were home. She actually had to be coaxed out and convinced to let us pet her. This from the cat who's constantly meowing for attention. Brat.

I learned (actually I already knew, but it was reinforced) that you don't need to spend $50,000 to have an awesome wedding.
I learned that jumping into a cold pool after being in a hot tub feels SO good.
I was reminded that everyone in Wildwood is a Phillies fan. Or a Flyers fan. Yuck.
I learned that it's now 12 tickets per person for the haunted house ride on the pier. That's just ridiculous.
I learned that it's freaking cold in Wildwood at night in May.

I went to the new Yankee Stadium for the first time and it was awesome. Great weather, great day with the family, and the Yankees won.

My family is the coolest.

I've been cooking more now that I actually have the time. Since Josh is super-picky, I pick out a few recipes and have him pick from them, and then I make whatever he picks. It's been working pretty well, and I've made some very yummy things. Next up: raspberry lemonade cake. However, all of this reminds me how much it sucks that I can't afford (and cannot get financing for) culinary school. Le sigh.

We got a new TV in the bedroom and I've recently been reminded how nice it is to watch TV in bed.
I had my first lobster cutlet sandwich. Holy shit yum.
I've been reminded how nice it is to go to the beach during the week when everyone else is at work.
I started using Google Chrome and now I don't want to use anything else ever.

I found SongPop. Actually, my sister introduced me to it. It's a kind of name-that-tune type game you play against other people, and I'm addicted. And yes, it is indeed possible to guess "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" in 0.8 seconds.

I'm pretty quick most of the time.

I'm going on my first ever hot air balloon ride this Saturday, and I could not be more excited!
I learned that daytime TV sucks for the most part.
I learned that not having a normal schedule does not make my insomnia happy.
I found out that my cousin Tim is an amazing artist and my cousin Mike is an amazing chef.
I learned that I do not have nearly enough wall space for all the things I want to put on the walls.
I learned that I do not have nearly enough kitchen counter space for all the things that are still in their boxes because they need to go on the counters.
I learned that the first couple of months after the wedding are financially crap.
I realized that whenever HBO puts Goodfellas in the rotation, I end up watching it at least 10 times.

"How am I funny?"

I realized that I have not been to a concert/show yet this year. That must be rectified.
I learned that my biggest Pyrex bowl is indeed breakable. Now I am sad.
I learned that I literally cannot fit one more thing into my storage unit.
I learned that reconnecting with an old friend can be wonderful (depending on the friend of course).
I realize and admit that I am now fully addicted to Pinterest. Follow me if you like, user name melanietheresa.
I realized that my sinus issues are getting worse as I get older.
I now have ten tattoos. Two so far this year. Counting it all up, it's 28 hours worth of work.

My 10th tattoo. Learn more at fixthechapel.com!

I learned quite a bit about trust in my former work environment. 
I learned that I do not miss commuting to NYC at all.
I realized that there are far too many movies I haven't seen.
I realized that the inspection on my car is up this year, and there's no way in hell it's passing again.
I learned that there are people who suck at life worse than I do. That made me feel better.
I have decided that family is not always defined by blood. I don't have to love you if you're an asshole.


And the most interesting, and slightly shocking (at least to me) thing that I've learned in the past few months:
Once in a very great while, you really can please everyone.

Dear Chuckles, Part 14

Dear Chuckles,

I can't believe it's been 5 months since I lost you.
I miss your face. So much.

Love,
Mommy

Dear Chuckles, Part 13

Dear Chuckles,

Been thinking about you alot lately, boy. It's hard to be as happy or excited as I feel like I should be considering I'm getting married in 5 days, because I'm very aware that the day after my wedding will be exactly 3 months since I lost you. It feels like so much longer, yet at the same time it feels like just yesterday you were stealing Josh's spot in the bed as soon as he left for work.

(Side Note: Anyone who thinks it's stupid that I'm still sad about losing my dog after only 3 months should stop reading now. And should probably never speak to me again.)

I know that you loved to make me happy, and I know that you want me to be happy now. And I am, baby. But there's a piece of my heart that will never heal, because it was you.

Wherever you are, I know that you'll be checking in on us on our wedding day, probably thankful that I'm not able to make you wear a tie and stand still for the whole ceremony (as if you standing still for more than 5 minutes was ever an option).

I love you Chuckles. Though I wish you'd lived to see it, I know that you'll be with us on that day, in all your joyful puppy spirit.

Love,
Mommy

The Coldplay Conundrum

Anyone who knows me well knows that my music tastes are and have always been all over the spectrum. From Pantera to Tori Amos, from Snoop Dogg to NOFX, from Depeche Mode to Eric Clapton, from 311 to Eminem to Beethoven to Bauhaus to John Lennon....I'm sure you get the point. I'll listen to almost anything. Almost anything - Audioslave makes my ears bleed.

A few short years ago, I had Coldplay in my "makes my ears bleed, avoid at all costs" file along with Audioslave, Limp Bizkit, and what I consider to be the worst 3 songs in the world: that awful, awful song "Blinded By the Light" by Manfred Mann, "Carry On My Wayward Son" by Kansas, and "Tears of a Clown" by Smokey Robinson. I could probably do an entire post on just those 3 songs. And maybe I will at some point. But seriously, just thinking about all 3 songs at the same time is making my head want to explode, so back to the story at hand.

I simply could not stand Coldplay when I first heard them, and I wanted nothing more than for Chris Martin to shut the fuck up. I'd make a face every time my sister would play one of their songs. I'd change the radio station (this was back when I was still listening to radio) the minute I heard the opening bars of "Yellow." Then, "Clocks" and "The Scientist." I really couldn't stand them at all. And so, Coldplay was relegated to the "please don't make me listen to this" file and put away.

Here and there over the years I would hear Coldplay-related news, like the whole Chris Martin/Gwyneth Paltrow thing, and just couldn't really make myself care. Chris Martin just seemed like such a pompous fuck, which incidentally is also how I feel about Bono, if anyone's keeping score. And so, when I saw the 420 episode of Family Guy, when Peter's too baked to set up a cutaway and just lists a bunch of celebrities he doesn't like, I laughed really hard. Chris Martin, Chris Martin again, Chris Martin's parents...and then at the end, Chris Martin's ancestors. Hilarious. See below (this was the best quality of this clip I could find).



Anyway, Coldplay fell completely off my radar, because really, why wouldn't they? Fast forward to 2010. I'm watching So You Think You Can Dance (don't judge, it entertains me), and I hear this song that I immediately fall in love with. I look down at the bottom of the screen at it says "Viva La Vida" - Coldplay. Picture my stunned face. Thought process: "I'm sorry, what? I like a Coldplay song? And not only like, but absolutely love love love it? No! No, unacceptable." So after the episode is over, I download the song. And I still love it. Thought process: "Oh, crap. After all the shit I gave Sarah for liking Coldplay....well, she just can't know, that's all." I swore Josh to secrecy and he never said a word. By the way, the song was actually released in 2008, which just proves how off my radar Coldplay really was.



Seriously, I could not get enough of this song. Ok, now fast forward another year to 2011 and another season of So You Think You Can Dance. One couple does a beautiful dance to a really beautiful song. I look down at the bottom of the screen, and there it is. "Fix You" - Coldplay. Thought process: "Goddammit. This cannot be happening." But it was indeed happening. I had fallen in love with not one, but two Coldplay songs.



Beautiful, right? This one was released in 2005, and So You Think You Can Dance turned me on to it in 2011. At some point during that year, I came clean to my sister about how much I adored "Viva La Vida." I think I actually started the conversation with something like "Don't make fun of me, but..." And she actually didn't, she just agreed that it was an amazing song and she loved it to. I love my sister.

Now, the latest. Last night I was watching American Idol.  I know you want to judge that, and I just don't care. Phillip Phillips is fucking awesome. That is all.
Anyway, Coldplay performed last night, in honor of it being "BritPop" week. They performed 2 songs. The first was "Paradise" and holy shit I loved it. LOVED it in capital letters. Here's the video.




Ok, the video's freaking weird, and for some reason the band is dressed like elephants, but man do I love that song. A whole lot. And then, Coldplay performed the song "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall." Yep, Idol gave them two performances. Because they're Coldplay, obviously, and Idol was clearly kissing their asses big time. And guess what? I loved that song too. I love "Paradise" more, but still. -sigh-




Turns out these two songs are from their most recent album, so apparently I am now up to date on Coldplay, which is something I never thought I'd say. I have resigned myself to the fact that I love the songs above, and that it's entirely possible that I may like some of their future songs. However, I still absolutely cannot stand their earlier songs, stated at the beginning of the post. "Clocks?" Puke.

So, I guess I can officially say that I am a fan of the "later" Coldplay. I'm owning it. They've been added to my iTunes, Pandora, and Spotify playlists. Well played, Coldplay, well played.

I'm no saint.

1. What is the origin of your first name? What about any nicknames?
Melanie: From the French form of the Latin name Melania, derived from Greek μελαινα (melaina) meaning "black, dark." This was the name of a Roman saint who gave all her wealth to charity in the 5th century. Her grandmother was also a saint with the same name.
The name was common in France during the Middle Ages, and it was introduced from there to England, though it eventually became rare. Interest in it was revived by the character Melanie Wilkes from the novel 'Gone with the Wind' (1936) and the subsequent movie adaptation (1939).

You probably thought I was just that smart. Nah, copied and pasted. And here is Saint Melania herself.

St. Melania the Younger

2. Have you any claims to fame?
I'm awesome. Duh.

  3. If you were famous, how would you introduce yourself to someone who had never heard of you?
Hi, I'm Melanie. This is a lame question. Next.

4. Which of your country’s achievements do you hold in highest regard?
There is no way for me to intelligently answer this question because I am highly opposed to speaking of politics in any manner. So here's a picture of a kid and a dog on a beach.

Cute, right?

5. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
For a while I wanted to be a teacher...turns out I would never have had the patience to teach other people's brats on a daily basis.

6. What was your most prized possession as a child? Do you still have it?
I had a teddy bear who was named White Teddy. I actually do still have him in storage somewhere. Perhaps he is the reason for my lifelong love of teddy bears. Seriously, I have a bunch of different ones. And nowhere to put them. It's a problem.

Hmm, I don't have this one...

7. What would you change about yourself, if you could?
My bank account. 

8. What are you obsessed with?
Right now? My wedding, I guess. Only 5 weeks out...holy shit.

9. What is your greatest achievement so far, or the high point of your career?
I don't fucking know. I hate questions like this. I've been published a few times, both for photography and for modeling. Those are pretty awesome achievements as far as I'm concerned.

10. When/where were you happiest?
At the beach. I'm always happiest at the beach.

LBI, NJ, July 2011

11. And the lowest point in your life thus far?
1994 and 2003. 

12. What was the best decision you ever made?
Leaving. 

13. If you have any body modifications, which was most painful, or which do you regret the most? If you haven’t got any, do you have any planned, or would you ever consider getting any?
Most painful: inner forearm tattoo.
I don't regret any of them.
I have 9 tattoos and a ton more planned.
Here's a photo of my latest, my Maneki Neko. Done on 4/6/12 by Rick Schreck at House of 1000 Tattoos.

14. What is the most idiotic thing you have ever done while intoxicated?
The list would be shorter if I told you the smart things I’d done while intoxicated.

15. What is your favorite joke?
Carson Daly. Oh, you said “what," not “who." Oh, well…moving on.

16. What is the coolest/most impressive thing you own?
I don't know. I'm not trying to impress anyone.

17. When did you last cry, and why?
Eh. The other day. Missing Chuckles.

18. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever had?
"Cut yourself some slack." Or "give yourself a break." Or "stop being so hard on yourself." All good advice. Am I following it? Meh.

19. Similarly, what’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
The nicest thing anyone has ever done for me in my entire life was when a random good Samaritan witnessed my giant car accident in 1996 and ran across a 6 lane highway to stay with me and talk to me until help arrived. This Samaritan will have his own post on this blog in the not-too-distant future.

20. Have you any vices?
Smoking and shopping.

21. Do you regret anything?
I shall steal a line from The Bouncing Souls: "Things just happened to turn out this way; I can't say I have no regrets today." And because I love it, here's the song that line belongs to. Live, no less.




22. What is the best invention ever?
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Oh yes.

You know you want one now.

23. How would you describe your relationship with your family?
Close.

24. Who is your biggest inspiration?
My mom, and my late Chuckles. 

25. What are you going to do when you’ve finished doing this?
Finish watching VH1's 40 Greatest One Hit Wonders of the 90s. I'm so entertained.

Dear Chuckles, Part 12

Dear Chuckles,

Do you think you can do me a favor, Pup? Wherever you guys are, can you check up on Rigby, and maybe give him a hug from his mommy? She's missing him so very much right now. He's only been there a few months longer than you have, and it's still so hard for both of us to be without both of you.

And while you're at it, if you could find it in your heart to give Deegan a hug from his mommy too, that would be wonderful. Though he's been gone much longer than you and Rigby, she still misses him so much.

I know that you know how much Aunt Sarah and Grandma loved you, so I know you'll do this for them, and for me.

Thank you, my sweet boy. I love you.

Love,
Mommy

My sarcastic superpowers have met their match.

This is an actual conversation which took place between Josh and I while we were watching TV the other night:

Josh: Wow, Stevie Nicks looks great. She's gotta be in her sixties, right?
Me: I think so.
Josh: Look it up.
Me: I don't feel like going over to the computer to look it up.
Josh: You know your phone's a computer, right?
Me: Shut up.

Listen, I'm late to the whole smart phone party, so yes, I tend to forget that I have a computer right there at my fingertips. Josh had one long before me, so he's way used to it by now, and enjoys being a smartass. Which I suppose is fair seeing as I'm a sarcastic bitch. Match made in heaven, folks.

By the way, I did look it up on my phone, and Stevie Nicks is 64.
And because she's awesome, here's "Stand Back," my personal favorite of hers. Enjoy.