Dear Chuckles, Part 5

Dear Chuckles,

On Friday, we brought you to Grandma's to leave a piece of you there in your favorite backyard/personal dog park. On the ride over I kept picturing you with your head out the car window, big happy smile on your face, drool running down the outside of the car, ears flapping in the wind. The memory made me happy and sad at the same time.

Happy car dog! This one is from 2008.

We put you under what Grandma calls "the squirrel tree," which I thought to be perfect for you, since you had a personal vendetta against all squirrels and made it your business to chase at least one up a tree every day.

Josh and I also got pendants to wear in which we placed pieces of you. I didn't even know such a thing existed, but I thought it was a wonderful idea, and so did Josh. So now you and I will never be apart again, and you can't bitch at me for not taking you out, since you'll be with me every time I go anywhere.

My pendant.

The vet's office sent a beautiful card along with your paw print and a clipping of your fur. I cried, of course, because it made me wish even harder that I could pet you again. I miss you so much, and I can't believe it hasn't even been 2 weeks since I lost you. Every time I'm at the computer I can picture you coming down the hallway, walking up to the computer chair and pushing all of your weight into my leg so I'd scratch your butt. You always made me smile.

The other night all of the dogs in our courtyard were barking at something or other, and I could have sworn I heard your tough-guy bark in there somewhere.

Your presence was so much larger than life that it seems very empty here now. I realized the other night that if you were 14, that means I was 22 when we found you. Holy shit, boy. You and I went through so much together, and through it all you were my anchor in this crazy fucked up world. Saving you was the best thing I ever did, because you saved me right back, didn't you?

I love you Chuckles.

Love,
Mommy